Paradise, Only in my Dreams
by Ryuko-chan
Summary: Finally, a PSME category!! ^-^ Shion is all alone on the moon, with nothing but Mokurin's body to keep him company. The only place he is happy is in his dreams. What can he do to keep himself from going insane? Have hope for the future?


Paradise, only in my dreams  
  
I must have gone insane that day. The day I first realized that it wasn't just a coincidence, or my imagination, or anything like that. I finally figured out that I was going to live. Perhaps forever. Or it would seem like forever. I can't count the hours that I just sat by her capsule, that crystal coffin, and cried. Because I knew that she was wrong. Despite everything that Mokurin thought, I wasn't going to be together with her. There were times, when I knew that I was just going to kill myself, and end my suffering. There were days, also, when I stared at Shukaido's coffin, and it took all the willpower I had not to just smash it, and throw it out into the vacuum of space. Sarjalim wouldn't have liked that.  
  
And I remember, the day that I finally got angry. I was sitting in the beautiful greenhouse, trying to feel Mokurin there. When suddenly, the music filtered to my ears. I stood, and my eyes filled with tears. She was there, she must have been there. It was then that I knew I was mad, but I didn't care. I followed the music, followed the beautiful sound that so reminded me of her, and then I found myself there, the room it was coming from. The minute I realized where I was, I was filled with a horrible rage. Shukaido's room, Shukaido's room. It repeated itself over and over in my mind. I never found out what had started that particular music on that day, but then again, I didn't try.  
  
Seeking paradise in a dream. A dream.. A dream.. Perhaps it was Sarjalim herself, trying to teach me what wrong I had done Mokurin. Whatever caused it, it angered me so, that I just snapped. The wires drew themselves from the insides of the machine, and I heard the music skew. I felt my hair, long and tangled from months of disrepair, flying around my face, and slapping against my face, into my eyes. Shukaido's room.. I must have screamed it. I must have screamed it over and over and over.  
  
I must have, because when I finally regained my senses, I couldn't speak. Somehow, I was next to Mokurin's coffin, her crystal cage. I was reminded of the Earth legend of Sleeping Beauty. As if, perhaps, if I just kissed her, she would awaken, and we could go home. Home. I struggled, my legs not responding, to stand and press the button that would open her prison, and let me give her the kiss of life. And then we could be happy. Never again would I have to see her, lying there, eyes closed, lips tainted blue in the cold cold sleep of death. My hands grasped across the cover, smearing more blood on the cracked visage of the lovely Kalim within. If only I could just reach a bit longer, and if only I could just stand up. But, I collapsed, and my last conscious thought through my tear and blood streaked face was. Would Sarjalim forgive one who took their life in the throes of insanity?  
  
Moku. rin. Moku.rin. Moku.rin..Moku.  
  
"RIN!" shouted that voice. It seemed so familiar. So familiar. Like I lived in this dream.. Like I was them who she called.  
  
"RIN!!" it shouted once more, and my eyes opened. She reached down, hands open. And I? I was falling. Falling down, down. Like I was falling to earth. But I was on earth. The wind that reached me wasn't the recycled air within our base. Wasn't the sweet air of the greenhouse. It was the air of the earth, slightly tainted by the exhaust of machines. The cars.. They called them. And where was I? I was falling, ever falling, my eyes round with the shock of being there, of being so far from the ground, of being so close to her. Alice. Her voice echoed through my head. Alice. And I was. Rin. Kobayashi Rin. And I was falling. As I closed my eyes, and allowed myself to be taken into the arms of infinity, I felt my heart surge, as my descent slowed. She was there! She must have been there!  
  
I woke with blood on my lips, and no memory of my dream. An earth dream. My eyes weren't open as I licked them, tasting the curse of my life. Letting my tongue savor the curse Shukaido had left me. And I hated him. But.. That was not in my mind. What was? I saw you, just now, Shion. I saw you. And we were together. on the earth. Together. On the earth. And I promised. I promised not to take my own life. I wanted to never break another promise to her. Never. But this was an impossible promise.  
  
Years later. Many years. So many years. So many years of waiting, and hating, and living. Most of all of living. I spent every night of those years next to the crystal coffin that she was in, though it gave me no solace. I knew, knew that they were all gone. Not even a trace of their life stayed in the coffins. They had all left me behind. Seeking paradise in a dream. Seeking paradise in a dream. For some reason, I was. The only time I ever calmed was when I was asleep. And though I never remembered any of my dreams, I found myself looking to the screens for solace, the ones that still functioned. The sea, the skies. Fireworks. Flowers in the sky. The sea. Summer's end. For some reasons, these were the only things that comforted me. And they never did for very long. Earth literature, earth music. All of it harbored pain for me. Horrible pain. And the last day. I remember the last day. I fell asleep. I just couldn't stay awake any more. I hoped, that perhaps, I would die in my sleep, the place where I found the most comfort. And then..  
  
I sat up, "Alice is here!" I shouted, "What a silly girl, she's taking the steps, there's an elevator. Oh.. Look at that.. She fell." I smiled. And then again, I was falling.. But it was over, and Mokurin was there. Rin.. I was Rin.  
  
"You can talk to them?" I asked. She smiled.  
  
"No.. No.. I can sort of.. feel what they're thinking.." I blinked.  
  
"A bulb? As a souvenir?" she asked.  
  
"Rin?" the voice said, "Are you hiding something from me?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Let's go to the ocean, Alice... Summer's end. Summer's end.."  
  
"End." I said as I awoke. Before the end. There was something.. Something I had to do. I got up, with shivering steps, jerking, falling.. But there was something.. I had to do. I pulled up the screen.  
  
"Summer's end." I muttered under my breath. My fingers flew across the keyboard, moving of their own volition. And then. There she was.  
  
"AH!" she said, and she started crying.  
  
"No, dear.. look, they're just saying hello.." her mother said. She looked up.  
  
"H-hello?" she said, in a tremulous voice. Her mother nodded. She blinked, "Hello.." she said, reaching a hand up to pet the beast's nose closest to her.  
  
"See that.. Alice. They like you." Her mother said. I smiled, deep inside the room, deep inside the base, deep inside the protective moon, deep inside the corners of my mind. It must have been the first time in forever. I felt a wisp of wind on my forehead. A kiss.. from Sarjalim. Tears ran down my face, and my lips parted. My eyes opened, not seeing anything any longer, and I heard my voice say.  
  
"Alice.. Moku.rin." I collapsed to the ground, my face still set in that smile.  
  
"Look, Rin! Orchids!"  
  
"Look Rin! Fireworks!"  
  
"Look Rin. look at the moon. Do you see the rabbit in the moon?"  
  
"No.. Mama, I don't. I see. A man.. He's been very sad."  
  
"Sad?"  
  
"Don't worry, Mama. he's not sad any more."  
  
THE END 


End file.
